


Wristcutters: A Dave Story

by DrunkenCider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, References to Suicide, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrunkenCider/pseuds/DrunkenCider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despondent over his breakup with Rose, Dave slashes his wrists and goes to an afterlife peopled by suicides,  a high-desert landscape dotted by old tires, burned-out cars, and abandoned sofas. </p><p>This is a take on the movie. I wanted to see what it would be like if Dave was the main character.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What in the actual fuck

I usually hate getting texts in the morning. In fact my phone is generally always on silent until sometime after noon. Today was special though so my phone got to stay noisy. I’d gotten up early and cleaned the entirety of the house. Something the text I was currently receiving was about to tell me to do. Apparently Bro was expecting company and wanted the place clean. 

BRO: Hey lil man, clean the place up for me alright? Be home at five with company.  
TG: yeah yeah already did all that

I slumped a bit against the sofa. The vacuum cleaner had done a good job at getting month old dirt off the floor. The carpet looked almost white again. He better fucking appreciate this. Too bad I couldn't clean up the bathroom. No I had plans to fuck that place up pretty good. Today, you see, was the day I was finally going to off myself. 

I’d recently gotten out of a pretty nasty breakup with Rose Lalonde and things weren't exactly sitting right with me. I guess that’s putting it mildly though. She’d been the only girl I let in. I’d shown her a side of me that wasn't cool at all. What did I get in return though? She fucking tore my heart out for someone else, a girl no less. The point is I’ve been feeling shitty for a while now and recently with Bro being more of an asshole than a guardian it all came crashing down around me. That’s why I decided I would finally off myself. For real this time.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. In fact the blade slit through my wrists like a knife through butter. I barely felt a thing as the blood drained from my arms into the white marble sink of the bathroom. One last look into my own blood red eyes and I could almost see the life drain out of me. I raised a hand only to feel the world slip from under myself. I was dead and I hadn’t felt a thing really. 

I've heard people talk about a light and about how things are better on the other side but it’s all bullshit really. I mean if this is the better life waiting for me than maybe I was better off being alive in the first place. First off it’s hot as balls here all the time. Secondly no one can fucking smile and then there’s the whole no stars in the sky thing. It’s depressing and I wasn’t prepared to go from one shit hole to the next. 

I wound up finding work at a pizza place and the owner was nice enough to let me room with his friend John. I still don’t understand why I need to work or have money here. Everyone’s dead so what’s the point of having to make a living? 

“Dave what did I tell you about you staying here?” That was John and he seemed a little pissed. It’s probably because I ate the last of something that was his again. 

“Lot’s of things. Be more specific Egbert. What did I do to piss you off now?”

“The cottage cheese. You ate the last of it again!” 

“Whatever I’ll buy you more later. Don’t you have a backup food or some shit?” John was pissed and to be honest I didn't care. It was just cottage cheese. Did he just throw the empty container at me? What the fuck? “Jesus I’ll go buy you more right now. Fuck.” I threw myself off the old cot I was laying on and threw on my only shirt. It had some holes in it but then again everything here looked like shit anyway. 

Thing I knew about the afterlife: It sucked and anyone with the last name Egbert was an asshole.


	2. Down the fucking Rabbit hole we go.

I found myself at the bar again tonight. I don't know why I keep showing up, thinking that maybe a drink is what I need to get my mind of her. Rose Lalonde, she dumped my ass and I ended up in this shit hole. If anything I feel like I should hate her, and yet I can't bring myself to have anything but loving feelings towards her. This is some sick shit. I take another drink of the beer that taste more of piss than of anything else. I can hear giggling next to me but I know they aren't really happy. No one is here. Before I know it there's a man standing in front of me. He's got on a purple shirt with the Capricorn symbol on it and polka dot pants. Fucking clowns man. 

"HeY ThErE BrOtHeR MiNd tElLiNg mE AnD My fRiEnD TaVbRo hOw yOu oFfEd yOuRsElF? wE HaVe a bEt gOiNg." He sounded high as shit. I stretch a bit and roll up my sleeves, showing him the cut marks on my wrist. He yells something back about winning the bet to his friend with the awesome haircut. I end up joining them at their table, shooting the shit with them and guessing how people offed themselves.

As it turns out Gamzee offed with an oven. He just got tired of everything one day and baked himself rather than his normal sopor pies. 

Tavros was disabled and found it easy enough to go soaring off the roof of the hospital. Pupa finally flew as he put it. 

"What about that asshole? I say drowned. Look how blue his fucking face is."   
"NaH MaN ItS GoTtA Be gAs. HiS FaCe iS MoRe pUrPlE ThAn aNy mOtHeRfUcKeR ThAt dRoWnEd."  
"WHY DON'T YOU FUCKWADS GO THE FUCK OVER THERE AND FUCKING ASK HIM ALREADY." 

A small black haired boy with a giant black sweater slid over to our table. He seemed angry. Eventually Tavros and Gamzee told us they'd be right back, slinking off to go see some guy named Rufioh. Karkat seemed even angrier at that. 

"Anytime anyone says they are going to be right back is lying. You can pretty much count on those assholes to never show their face near you again."   
"You know that for a fact huh?" Karkat seemed full of pretty shitty advice. Just my kind of guy. I took another sip of the shitty beer I'd been nursing since getting to the bar. 

Karkat invited me back to his house for dinner. Apparently his whole family offed and now they were all living together. Kind of weird if you ask me but it kind of made sense. His father had offed himself after his mom had offed herself in the hospital. His older brother offed shortly after Karkat had. Something about the death of his entire family triggering him. His family seemed nice enough. I even got to hear about the time Kankri (Karkat's older borther) tried to kill himself after a soccer match. I guess Karkat talked him down only to smack him in the face. In all honesty it made me miss my fucked up family and friends. Mostly Rose, it made me miss her the most. 

This went on for weeks. I would go to the bar with Karkat and we would hang out at his house afterwards. It was nice. One day though, and one empty container of shitty cottage cheese later Thing were going to change for me. 

The store closest to the apartment was a shitty little market two blocks over. They sold a variety of bland foods and things that weren’t apple juice. I didn’t bother searching the place for any hidden nuggets of good food or anything because let’s face the facts, this place is supposed to make you unhappy. The fridge was stocked high with cottage cheese for some reason; it was like there was literally no other food they could serve. Fucking weird. I picked the first one, not bothering to check the date because if it was bad then John deserved to eat that nasty shit for being the world’s worst roommate. 

“strider long time no see” shit of all the people to show up it had to be this guy. Eridan Ampora; I owe him two hundred dollars. It figures the fucker would follow me to the grave to get it too.

“Ampora, you didn’t follow me all the way here just to get that money I owe you did you?” 

“no wwell yes and no at the same time, you knoww howw they say suicides come in threes? wwell there's somethin to that"

“So after my death you just couldn’t handle being alive anymore?”

“more like after rose’s death it just kind of hit me like a hammer”

“Wait hold the fuck up, Rose is here?” This asshole better be telling the fucking truth. Lately I’d been missing the one person that had mattered to me while I was alive and that was Rose Lalonde. She was everything to me and now she was in the one place where I could actually find her. Maybe I could even be happy for a little bit. 

“I thought you of all people wwould knoww that” 

Rose was here. Rose was fucking here in the shitty afterlife meant for those who would rather kill themselves than live. I've never run so fast. I ran straight to Karkat. He of all people would understand my need to find her, that and Karkat had a car. I burst through the door and I probably looked like a mad man as I stared down my best friend. 

"Keys. Now. Road trip. You don't have anything better to do so don't fucking fight me on this. Rose is here." That was enough information right? It was for the most part. Some fighting occurred but half a page of dicks later and we were out the door, driving off to find the one person I didn't want to spend my afterlife without.


	3. Road Trip

One thing I forgot to mention about this place is how hot it is. It's a barren wasteland of torn apart buildings and heat. Did I mention that the ac in this car is busted? Death is a fickle bitch.  
"So no AC. Anything else I should know about the crap mobile before we get too far away from what appears to be the liveliest part of the after life?" I can almost smell the shit storm heading my way for even asking.  
"The uh headlights don't work. So we can't drive at night."  
"Hold the fuck up. We can't drive this shit stain in the night!? What the fuck is the point of that?" Is this really death? Is this what I deserve for killing myself?  
"We'll just pull over at night and sleep. It'll be fine. You wanted a road trip asshole so here you go. One road trip served with sunny side up shit. Inhale and shut the fuck up."  
"Fine I'll pay to get it fixed. Just stop somewhere for the love of god to get it fixed." This next move was probably karma or some shit. I reached to turn on the radio but it turns out it only takes tapes. I reach down to grab one only to knock the whole box under my seat. "Shit!"  
I can almost feel Karkat about to freak the fuck out. He starts yelling about how I'm never going to find them. I guess underneath the seat there's a giant black hole. One tape manages to survive though, a tape of Karkat's band from when he was alive. Oh Joy!!  
"If you were in a band why would you off yourself anyway? I mean the vocals are pretty decent and the music is almost as catchy as the flu. So why give it up?"  
"Honestly? It was the last show I played. The booing was pretty intense and I was on a lot of drugs at the time. So I took my beer and figured I'd go out making a satement. I dumped my beer on the amp and up in smoke I went. It's not worth it if the only other person that likes my music is dead, you know?" Karkat sifts in his seat and I can tell he doesn't want to talk about this. Luckily I am a master of subject changes.  
"Aaand on your right you'll see what looks like a mechanics garage. Please keep all hands inside the vehicle while we come to a slow and safe stop." I do my best impression of a flight attendent and wait for Karkat to give some sort of response. I'm met with a soft laugh that sounds nothing like the little fuckwad I've grown so used too.  
We go inside only to be greeted by a girl in a green jacket and cat ears. She seems nice enough, telling us that Equius was currently napping and would fi the car by the morning. She stayed and talked with us a while and her story I found pretty interesting. It was probably the only just way to kill yourself.  
Equius and Nepeta had killed themselves off at the same time. Equius was a married man and Nepeta just couldn't resist or something. They ended up slitting their wrists and taking one last dip in the hot tub before winding up here. I feel for the girl, she seems to really like this guy and so far all I can gather from him is that he likes naps.  
The idea of a nap has me ready to fall into dream land myself though seeing as we can't leave until the morning anyway. I know I'm going to dream of Rose. I almost always do now.


End file.
